All of us who ever wrote the CAT and other exams have waited with bated breath for the interview calls to come through. I did too back in 2006 when I got my only call from SIBM, Pune. With great excitement I left from Bangalore in an overnight bus to reach the city of education.I won’t take you through my GD, but here are five ways to come with flying colors.

If you have not read my earlier posts on Surviving MBA, Presentations and Getting into a college you should read them now!

There are can different seating styles. If it is semicircular, its not the center seat but the corner seat which is better. You can see more people that way. So fight to get that seat. If it is around the table; just look for the chair which has an arm rest and no bubble gum sticking.

This is the key to the GD. Like how Dogbert would do, the idea is to keep pestering him to talk. When making a point, it is nice to specifically point the finger at him to raise his thoughts. The best way to target this one, is to see who shakes their legs the most. They are usually the most nervous.

Why this works: He will end up making a fool of himself and you will get brownie points for being a team player when you couldn’t care less.

Never start the GD:

Let others start the discussion. This will always lead to a chaotic situation because half the tards would not have even understood the topic. Let them digress, and give the panel of judges a hard time. Never get into the discussion at this point.Why this works: Other participants are too eager to be part of the discussion. Give them the rightful opportunity to look like fucktards.

Divide and Rule:

After successfully leading the GD into something similar to a Justin Bieber concert, the moment a pause happens reiterate the topic give both the positive and negative sides to the argument. This will create two sub groups. Let them fight it out. Please note that any topic no matter how vague it is can have two sides. For one my GDs, the topic was “India’s Nuclear Programme”.Here is what I had to say for this: “India has gone by leaps and bounds after 1998. Every country should have security, as also mentioned in Constitution. But at the same time we must also look at the effects on our neighbouring countries and how it may lead to an arms race”.

Notice, how no facts were mentioned. Keep it vague, so there are no facts to rely on. Instead one could have also given it another twist. Is India’s Nuclear Programme an inclusive and self researched endeavour; or is because we take inspiration from the west and their technology. Someone could nail you, and that’s not good. Also, this point may make you look non patriotic.

Why this works: The world always needs a hero after a mess has been made.

Women are voracious in GDs, and the shrill in their voice can put to rest the best of us. Don’t be too polite to them; its safer to just nod to what they say. Never get into an argument with them because you know you will lose. No one ever won an argument with a woman; and the record still holds for the ones from Venus. Trying to suck up to them will also not help because they don’t want to get laid; but they want that job or the admission seat. Real bad!

Distract:

There would always be at least one more who would have thought this out, the way you have. The best way to get ahead is to distract him/her. Make faces of disapproval; like you heard the shittiest thing ever. Its also OK to point out the imaginary bread crumbs on his shirt or his fly which may have been open previously. If he is sitting next to you, just stamp on his feet; you could always say sorry later and you would also soil his shoes before his interview.

Conclude:

Come what may; you have to conclude. You know the time limit for any GD; it is announced. Keep a lookout for the end. You know you can sense it; and have all the points raised during the GD. Read out both sides of the story (after you were able to divide and rule) and appear to reach a conclusion by stating what you had already thought off in the head. You must read out more points in favor of that. People might not agree with you, but the GD is already over!