One of our friends from work has this really irritating habit of putting Out of office responders, even if it’s just for two hours. Haris and I decided to put a stop to this nonsense. Here’s how we did it.
Me:
Hey,
How was the weekend for all of you?
Vinni
E-SHIT-A:
Hi. Thanks for your mail. I am in meetings today and will have limited access to my email and phone. In case of anything urgent, please message me on +91-xxxxx-42634
Me:
Why do you put Out of office for single call?
E-SHIT-A: (via her BlackBerry)
I have crazy customers who expect a 6 hr resolution commitment for everything! They need to know I m unavailable…
Haris: (6:10 PM)
Hi I a out of office for a smoke and will be back in 5 minutes. There will be a delay in responding to your mail…
Haris: (6:15PM)
Hi I am out of office for a smoke and will be back in 3 minutes. There will be a delay in responding to your mail…oh wait..I am inside now..and will reply
Me: (6:30PM)
Thanks for your email. I am driving back home and please expect delay in my response. Please SMS me on XXXXX16693 for urgent non-action.
Haris: (6:32PM)
Thank you for your mail. I am currently eating biscuits and coffee and my hands are busy but I can SEE your mail…I swear, its really wonderful and you have an amazing way with words…I will reply to the poetic expression of the opportunity as soson as this coffee is done…
E-SHIT-A (6:45PM)
U guys r really vela!
Haris: (6:34PM)
Mail received unfortunately,
Unavailable I am
Expect mine reply…in three fourths an hour
Me: (Next Day, 10:13 AM)
Sorry I am away on customer calls. Since we have been positioning 6HR Call To Repair for the price of Next Business Day support, I have to resolve the issue myself.
Please expect response after 6 hours only. Maybe 7 hours, 1 Hr for travel time.
Me: (10:15 AM)
Harish,
U realized we got no Out of Office mails today.
Madam has been office
E-SHIT-A: (10:20 AM) (From Mobile)
Forgot abt my out of office status. Will put it on all of tomorrow since it will be a holiday! N vinni, madam is in office = she hasn’t gone on calls; “Madam has been office” implies I’m an architectural transformer..!! I thought our visionary would have vocab and grammar competencies apart from great directional sense…
Haris: (7 PM)
Whatever madam says…
Haris: (Next Day, 6 PM)
Hamaar seharva main chunaav ho raha hoon…aur humra daftar poora chutti par hoon…Apka chitti padne main vilamb ho tho hum maafi mangta hoon…
Shubkamna,
Harish
Kshetra Khatha Prabandhak
Thakniki Sujhav Jhund
Me: (7:01 PM)
I am blogging this..
Haris: (7:10 PM)
Thank god you weren’t There in biblical times…I can totally imagine you staring through the stable wall, “joseph n Mary with that kid…look at all those old men and that glowy female with wings…I’m totally blogging this!”
Oh My god. You guys really did that!!! Poor soul!!!
@Shubkamna,
Harish
Kshetra Khatha Prabandhak
Thakniki Sujhav Jhund
Is the last one Technical Advisory Group???
you made me famous…yeah…yeah…yeahhh…I am famous…i am on tv…yeah yeah….pheewwww….I-am-so-happy (tears)
to prats…that translates into “Territory Account Manager, Technology Solutions Group”. pretty good hindi for a mallu, no?
prats! now u know what happens to sales guys when the counter is not ticking!
haris, u are the best man! happy voting btw~
Haahaahahahahahahahahaha!!! Love it!
Wow, you actually blogged on this???!!!
And my out of office responders really DO help me buy time from super-demanding customers, and you KNOW that!
FYI, dear readers, the original set of mails was fraught with insane grammatical errors, since their fingers were working faster than their minds for the benefit of self-entertainment at the usually-mundane workplace! Obviously, these mistakes have been conveniently deleted (along with my corresponding antagonistic/ sarcastic mail responses) to ensure they emerge sufficiently heroic here
and I can be percieved as the hapless vicitim!
PS: I’m still friends with these 2 freaks, since they provide the much-needed comic-relief at work with their madness… something that you can only agree upon once you witness Vinni in his carefree throes of pelvic-thrusting to the self-sung tune of dard-e-disco…
)))
hehehhe.. funny…. i really didnt think you would actually blog it..
Esh, you really don’t have to try so hard. Its ok, we love you inspite of your out of office messages. Kiddo!
vasant, yes! i really did blog it.
hee hee hee …Vineet–I loved this!! U’re a riot!
When you’re visiting ur bro in UK pls come home for a nice Indian meal. I mean it.
Cheers
preeti
@Esh
Yeah sure…You’re the queen bee and we’re the drones…Anything for her majesty’s pleasure?? Stop trying to sway the readers
PS: will do! trip to UK is on the cards. sure is! indian food in UK, here i come!
haris: her highness.
lol… i so relate to this. in fact, had done something similar for some chap. spammed his inbox when he as genuinely out for a few days n not a few hours.
btw, werabouts in UK?
This is hillarious! The best was last comment by Haris(h).. I’m totally blogging this!
: D
Sumit, i am in India. PS is inviting me to UK.
Preeti, your right. I totally blogged this (!)
wellies, in that case should you stop by at London, let me know. wouldn’t mind a pint, would you?
sumit, pint(s) will be better.
He he.. tee hee
fallen on the floor laughing 
PS;
you owe me a lucnh when I am in UK too, then…
or ill join you for the M40 drive with Baileys,
Harish
you got that mate!!
“look at all those old men and that glowy female with wings…I’m totally blogging this!”
HAhahahahaa!
@ vinni- u’ve gotta pay me n hari 4 all the content on this page dude… it’s sheer plagiarism to copy-paste like that!
@ hari- c’mon, persuade vinni to pay us.. we don’t get TIAs anyway!!! let’s get the cash n go to one of those obscure lil NFC pubs (with corporate discount!!)
@ ruby- don’t believe everything about mr. menon (especially regarding missing anatomy!!!)
@ hari (again)- ya, i know!
Esh: ur earlier comment said i had changed the mail content. now u say its plagarism. make up ur mind!
haris: be vary of ruby and esh!
Madness this is..pure madness! ROFL!
Har..[tch..tht feels weird!) plumpy….ur on a roll..like ALWEZ !!! n so glad u find ur kind everywhere u go…!
LOL!! This is Hilarious
can’t believe this is tru ..
“Kshetra Khatha Prabandhak
Thakniki Sujhav Jhund” Nice signature really
You have no idea, the only reason why I had to put these awesome mails on the blog post! So they stay forever!
freakin hilarious post! keep it up!
I had the same problem with someone in my earlier job. But no amount of requests or complaints could change anything. She would come into the office each morning and set an OOO reply for that day saying she is not at her desk. Often she would pick up the landline while her OOO was still on. It took me nearly 2-3 weeks to find out that she actually just puts it up so people don’t expect a timely response. Bloody irritating.
added your feed… will be reading up for sure.
This episode was hilarious, but recently I ran into someone who had a very demeaning auto responder. Every mail you sent came back with an autoreply: Thanks for your mail, I will respond back if necessary”. I mean whatever happened to simple email etiquette!